Stuffed Creature Safety

Need an amusing diversion to start your weekend?  Welcome to the Stuffed Animal Review.  For new readers, The Review is a publication dedicated to the analysis of stuffed creature design and their larger worlds.  A fuller explanation of The Review’s purpose can be found on the “Philosophy” page.

Today The Review ponders Stuffed Creature Safety.

One might think that stuffed creatures live safe, secure lives.  They are, after all, inanimate, and do not have to worry about crossing the street, driving a car, or meeting strange people in alleys. 

Do not let the simplicity of their lives fool you; stuffed creatures face numerous natural hazards and need assistance in avoiding and navigating these perils.  Some hazards are applicable to all stuffed creatures, while others apply to the stuffed creatures of specific age groups.

General Hazard #1: Dogs and Cats.  Dogs and cats can easily mistake stuffed creatures for a play toy.  Indeed, The Review has often been lured into the pet aisle of a grocery or drug store by the sight of furry creatures, only to discover they are chew toys for dogs.  Make sure your dog or cat knows the difference.  And if you are with someone else’s dog or cat, keep a watchful eye on your stuffed creature, for they may think you come bearing treats.

Some dogs enjoy nipping a stuffed creature and running off to bury it.  Most do not chew or rip the stuffed creature.  They seem to be acting on a deeply ingrained retrieval gene, bred into their DNA in the days when dogs retrieved downed game for their master.  The Review’s dog, Buddy, was notorious for gently grabbing Paka, a Review staffer, as if he were a pheasant [see Staff Directory for Paka’s profile].  Buddy used his jaws delicately, as if he did not want to puncture or mar the kill.  But instead of bringing Paka to a member of the household, Buddy would trot proudly down the hall and hide Paka under the bed, behind couch pillows, or under a rocker.  Paka thankfully survived these creature-nappings intact, but Paka’s disappearance always caused a mild panic, and dog slobber necessitated a toweling down.

General Hazard #2: Open Car Windows.  Driving with a stuffed creature in the car, windows down, makes The Review nervous.  An innocent toss in the air, or the wrong perch on the dashboard or seat, could place your stuffed creature in a zone of suction and pull your furry friend from the car.  If the windows are down, make sure your stuffed creature is buckled-up. 

And it should go without saying: never, ever, stick your stuffed creature’s head out the window, no matter how enjoyable the breeze or temperature.  A loose grip could be disastrous.

Hazard for Adults:  Small Children.  It is up to you whether or not small children are allowed to play with your stuffed creature.  If you do hand over a treasured friend to a youngster, beware of multiple hazards.  

First, bodily fluids.  Children leak all sorts of mucus and saliva; your stuffed creature could become a moist sponge. 

Second, rough handling.  Children are a potent combination of strength and lack of motor coordination.  Prepare to watch your stuffed creature be banged into walls, thrown down stairs, or your creature’s face absolutely crushed; tiny fingernails boring into innocent eyes. 

Third, loss.  Children can easily lose interest in your stuffed creature, which means dropping the animal in mid-play, wherever they are.  If a child wants to show your stuffed creature the forest behind the house, be prepared to later coordinate a search-and-rescue party [Figure 1]. 

Figure 1: Here lies Cheppie, a Review staffer, abandoned by three-year-old Ellie, a friend’s beautiful daughter.  The setting: a Mennonite museum in Newton, Kansas.  Ellie took hold of Cheppie, and with the boundless energy of youth, skipped and galloped through the exhibits.  Walking into an exhibit already visited by Ellie, Cheppie was discovered belly-up abandoned.

Hazard for Children: Siblings and Other Children.  Children can be cruel; to each other and each other’s stuffed creatures.  The Review’s experience should sufficiently illustrate this point.  Paka was routinely tortured by an older brother during childhood.  Paka has been punched, kicked, and manhandled.  His nose has been pushed into his stomach hundreds of times, and on one traumatic day, all stuffing was removed through a hole under his paw.  His un-stuffed skin tossed in the air like pizza dough... 

Note to parents, guardians, and supervising adults: these hazards should be navigated and negotiated by the child. Do not give in to a protective instinct and remove the stuffed creature from harms way.  Yes, siblings and other children are hazards for a youngster’s stuffed creature, but these hazards are part of childhood, growing up, and learning how to interact with others.  Paka made it through just fine.

In Conclusion

Caring for a stuffed creature is a serious responsibility.  Not only do you have a duty to love, animate, and squish, you must be keenly aware of your stuffed creature's safety.