Frazier the Elephant
Position: Head Supervisor of Field Operatives
Frazier is in charge of organizing, coordinating, and managing The Review’s field operatives, the creatures who travel the country digging up stories and information. Frazier has an impeccable sense of United States geography and direction. His trunk has a built-in GPS, which gives him the ability to pinpoint and guide the field ops.
Position: Head Supervisor of Field Operatives
Frazier is in charge of organizing, coordinating, and managing The Review’s field operatives, the creatures who travel the country digging up stories and information. Frazier has an impeccable sense of United States geography and direction. His trunk has a built-in GPS, which gives him the ability to pinpoint and guide the field ops.
Personal Details
Place of Origin: Handmade in China; Purchased at Walgreens in St. Georges, Utah
Place of Origin: Handmade in China; Purchased at Walgreens in St. Georges, Utah
Hobbies: Making pancakes. His over-sized paws stamp out fresh, bite-sized, sweet discs of dough. He also, apparently, enjoys sitting on porch railings.
Frazier's Links:
Elephants in the News...
1. Mother Jones expose on the treatment of elephants at Ringling Brothers.
2. New York Times article on the complexity of elephant social networks.
Frazier's Links:
Elephants in the News...
1. Mother Jones expose on the treatment of elephants at Ringling Brothers.
2. New York Times article on the complexity of elephant social networks.
Cheppie the Sheep
Position: Editor-in-Chief
Position: Editor-in-Chief
Cheppie is a decisive editor, granting approval of quality copy with an up-and-down shake of his snout – “uh-huh” – and rejecting inferior copy with a side-to-side snout shake – “uh-uh.”
Personal Details
Place of Origin: Handmade in China; Purchased in Frankenmuth, Michigan
Place of Origin: Handmade in China; Purchased in Frankenmuth, Michigan
Hobbies: Drinking beer and grazing in fields of basil. In order to understand Cheppie’s hobbies, you must know something about Frankenmuth, Michigan, where he was purchased. Frankenmuth was founded by Lutheran immigrants from Franconia, Germany in 1845, today part of Bavaria. Given his Franconian/Bavarian roots, Cheppie has an abiding passion for beer. His palate has expanded beyond his native Germany to include Belgian-style brews, now his favorite. He has deep affection for sausage, bratwurst, and sauerkraut. And, yes, chocolate cake donuts. Oddly, he also adores basil. His ideal grazing grounds is a basil-filled field.
Paddy the Frog
Position: Creature Resources
All staff issues and complaints come to Paddy, who handles them with a great big pink smile. Paddy is also in charge of staff pension plans and medical benefits, happily agreeing to all requests for increases and additions.
Personal Details
Place of Origin: Location of Assembly Unknown due to worn tag. Most likely: Made in China. Purchased in Miami, Florida.
Hobbies: Paddy enjoys staring with those googly eyes, and embracing life in all its infinite variety. He also has a passion for the club scene - strobe lights and a techno beat - a passion formed and cultivated hopping around South Beach.
Mannie the Bear
Position: Chief Financial Officer
Mannie is studious, thoughtful, and inquisitive, making him the perfect creature to look after The Review’s books and invest its revenue in a conservatively positioned portfolio of stocks and bonds.
Personal Details
Place of Origin: Handmade in China; Purchased at the University of Kentucky bookstore in Lexington, Kentucky
Hobbies: Mannie enjoys reading and bird listening. Yes, bird listening. He is not the outdoors type and prefers to listen for birds from the comfort of his bed. Mannie also looks out for UFO's. More on that later. Finally, Mannie's favorite food is a ripe banana. On this last personal detail: Mannie is a brilliantly designed bear, but doesn’t he resemble a monkey? Look closely – something in the shape of his head and ears says primate. The Review staff unmercifully teases Mannie about the resemblance. It doesn’t help that he adores bananas. The office fills with monkey noises every time Mannie is caught noshing on the sweet yellow fruit, much to his chagrin.
Tucker the Elephant
Position: In-Office Messenger
Like most Review staffers, Tucker has a special ability: he can fly. He was hired for this unique trait as the in-office messenger. Tucker spirits messages from cubicle to cubicle on wind currents and drafts. Of course, The Review does have internet and phone, so no one is sure what Tucker does all day flying around the office.
Personal Details
Place of Origin: Made in China; Purchased at Kroger in Lynchburg, Virginia
Hobbies: Watching Dumbo over and over and over again. Making paper airplanes and taking them for a ride. Tucker is a cracker-jack ace pilot, the elephant version of Snoopy.
Gum-Ming
Position: Body Guard
Gum-Ming is a kung fu master. He keeps Review staffers safe when they are out of the office with skilled paws and a harnessed, focused qi*.
Personal Details
Position: Body Guard
Gum-Ming is a kung fu master. He keeps Review staffers safe when they are out of the office with skilled paws and a harnessed, focused qi*.
Personal Details
Place of Origin: Made in Korea. Bought at the Short Hills Mall in Short Hills, NJ.
Hobbies: Watching re-runs of Kung Fu, a 1970s television series starring David Carradine as the Shaolin priest, Kwai Chang Caine. Not only does Gum-Ming enjoy the show as entertainment, Kung Fu taught him everything he knows about martial arts. For years he studied Caine, copying and then perfecting the moves of this fictional television character.
Gum-Ming's Links:
1. Click here for Kung Fu's introduction, courtesy of YouTube.
2. Gum-Ming is a "Snuffles" Gund Bear. This is a beloved line of stuffed animals with a devoted following. They even have their own blog: Snuffles Bear by GUND Collector's Blog. Gum-Ming likes to visit this website: for him, it is a family album of sorts.
Gum-Ming's Links:
1. Click here for Kung Fu's introduction, courtesy of YouTube.
2. Gum-Ming is a "Snuffles" Gund Bear. This is a beloved line of stuffed animals with a devoted following. They even have their own blog: Snuffles Bear by GUND Collector's Blog. Gum-Ming likes to visit this website: for him, it is a family album of sorts.
*qi = life force
Mush the Duck
Mush the DuckPosition: Patron Creature of Travel
Mush has a saintly ability to protect people from traveling mishaps and is, therefore, venerated amongst The Review’s field operatives who wander far and wide digging up stories. He either accompanies the operatives on assignment perched on the dashboard of cars, or blesses the vehicle and staffers through an elaborate ritual known as “The Laying of Wings.”
Personal Details
Place of Origin: Made in China; Purchased in New Brunswick, N.J. at the Douglass College Bookstore
Hobbies: To relax and unwind from his saintly duties, Mush enjoys circle kicking with a hacky sack. He must use caution, however, for in the excitement of play he is sometimes mistaken for the hacky sack itself.
Sharkie the Shark
Position: Inventory Manager
Sharkie is in charge of ordering, stocking, and managing The Review’s back-office supplies, a quiet job that fits his low-key, mellow personality, but that also feeds an addiction (see Hobbies below).
Personal Details
Place of Origin: Made in China; Purchased in Raleigh, N.C.
Hobbies: Sharkie is a pacifist and a vegetarian. He devotes much of his spare time to advocating peaceful solutions to global conflicts and creating tasty vegetarian victuals. That is, when he’s not napping. Sharkie is narcoleptic and often falls asleep in mid-sentence. Review staffers constantly discover him snoozing in the storage room, or any cozy corner he can find. And Sharkie has one addiction: sucking on plastics, inks, and electronics. He is hooked on synthetic chemical highs. He is often found blissed out on pens, cords, and printer ink.
Newbie
Position: Copy-Editor
Newbie is The Review's first line of editing. He patiently and painstakingly reads all material submitted for publication, weeding out spelling errors, awkward phrasing, muddled meanings, and grammatical troubles. He spends a lot of time in front of the computer. Which can be a problem. The computer touchpad does not react to his paws and his lack of digits makes it difficult to type. So, inevitably, the computer goes into hibernation and leaves him staring at a blank screen. [See the post for November 28, 2011.]
Personal Details
Place of Origin: Handmade in China; Purchased somewhere in Raleigh, North Carolina.
Hobbies: Creature-Tipping. Newbie has a mischevious streak and enjoys sneaking up on dimunitive staffers and gently nudging them off chairs, desk-tops, and other elevated places.
Hobbies: Creature-Tipping. Newbie has a mischevious streak and enjoys sneaking up on dimunitive staffers and gently nudging them off chairs, desk-tops, and other elevated places.
Newbie's Links:
1. Cow-Tipping. Given his hobby, Newbie takes an interest in this topic and the lively debates and analysis that surround it...
Cow-tipping, myth or reality?
The physics of cow-tipping
2. Newbie is a "Snuffles" Gund Bear. This is a beloved line of stuffed animals with a devoted following. They even have their own blog: Snuffles Bear by GUND Collector's Blog. Newbie likes to visit this website: for him, it is a family album of sorts.
The physics of cow-tipping
2. Newbie is a "Snuffles" Gund Bear. This is a beloved line of stuffed animals with a devoted following. They even have their own blog: Snuffles Bear by GUND Collector's Blog. Newbie likes to visit this website: for him, it is a family album of sorts.
Artie the Penguin
Position: Head of Security
Artie is head of security, the behind-the-scenes force of The Review's safety. Look at that serious, purposeful countenance and that intimidating stare...
Personal Details
Place of Origin: Handmade in China; Purchased in Lexington, Kentucky, at the University of Kentucky Bookstore.
Place of Origin: Handmade in China; Purchased in Lexington, Kentucky, at the University of Kentucky Bookstore.
Hobbies: Pecking and avoiding Newbie. Artie might be part woodpecker, as he enjoys pecking various surfaces with his finely-honed orange beak. And why does he avoid Newbie? Because Newbie enjoys catching Artie unawares and tipping him over [See Newbie's Profile]. Being ambushed and tipped into prone positions is rather humiliating for the Head of Security.
Fudge the Bear
Position: In-Office Analyst
Fudge is The Review’s sports researcher. He keeps meticulous records of baseball statistics, and also follows soccer and football. None of his research ever makes it into The Review, but this task keeps him out of trouble.
Personal Details
Place of Origin: Made in China; Purchased somewhere in New Jersey
Hobbies: Mischievous pranks and watching baseball. The former keeps him subdued and compliant; without it, he has been known to indulge the latter.
Fudge's Links:
1. Fudge is a "Snuffles" Gund Bear. This is a beloved line of stuffed animals with a devoted following. They even have their own blog: Snuffles Bear by GUND Collector's Blog. Fudge likes to visit this website: for him, it is a family album of sorts.
