Welcome to The Stuffed Animal Review, a publication dedicated to the analysis of stuffed creature design and their larger worlds. Are you new to The Review and want to know more? The “Philosophy” page provides a fuller explanation of The Review’s purpose.
Posts thus far have been laying out The Review’s guide to high quality stuffed animal design. The Review’s analysis started calmly enough. We began with fundamental principles, helping one distinguish between exceptional and mediocre stuffed creatures and moved on to fur, softness, and size [see “Core Principles” page]. The Review’s tone in the last two posts, dedicated to stuffed creature accessories, has been high-pitched critical. The Review vigorously objects to accessories such as clothing and props.
And there is more vitriol to follow, with Stuffed Creature Design Part IX, a discussion of a third Stuffed Creature Accessory: stuffed animals that come with vocal animation.
Posts thus far have been laying out The Review’s guide to high quality stuffed animal design. The Review’s analysis started calmly enough. We began with fundamental principles, helping one distinguish between exceptional and mediocre stuffed creatures and moved on to fur, softness, and size [see “Core Principles” page]. The Review’s tone in the last two posts, dedicated to stuffed creature accessories, has been high-pitched critical. The Review vigorously objects to accessories such as clothing and props.
And there is more vitriol to follow, with Stuffed Creature Design Part IX, a discussion of a third Stuffed Creature Accessory: stuffed animals that come with vocal animation.
It would not be hyperbole to say that The Review despises talking or singing bears. First, the mechanics involved usually mean hard internal mechanisms and an opening for batteries. Second, singing and talking yields lazy animation. You should be supplying the voice and personality of your stuffed creature.
The Review also finds the tone of these mechanical voices deeply eerie. I, personally, would wait in fear for my life to become a Twilight Zone episode, my stuffed creature switching from “I – love – you” to “I – want – to – kill – you.”
On that note, imagine the musical bear in Figure 1 singing to you? Shivers race up and down the spine at the thought. The open, misshapen, pale pink mouth is disquieting; it suggests a lurking desire to consume flesh. The T-shirt message, said in the correct deranged tone, reinforces this notion: “If MOMS were flowers I’d pick you.” The showgirl pink taffeta finishes the impression: I’m a psychotic bear trying to look perky and cute.
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| Figure 1 |
Sidenote: an alternative interpretation of this stuffed animal. She looks like a used-up Vegas showgirl you might stumble on in an off-the-Strip bar, cigarette dangling between her lips, coughing up a lung and stories of past youth and beauty.
The Review concludes its four-part Accessories series with additional creepiness: Miscellaneous Disturbing Details…
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