Ah, dedicated Review readers.  We apologize for abandoning the philosophical probing of stuffed creatures and their world.  Other projects have claimed the time and attention of Review staff.  This blog will continue to exist in the digital universe for posterity, and in the hope that - one day - the staff will come together once again and breath life into The Stuffed Animal Review.

Stuffed Creature Safety

Need an amusing diversion to start your weekend?  Welcome to the Stuffed Animal Review.  For new readers, The Review is a publication dedicated to the analysis of stuffed creature design and their larger worlds.  A fuller explanation of The Review’s purpose can be found on the “Philosophy” page.

Today The Review ponders Stuffed Creature Safety.

One might think that stuffed creatures live safe, secure lives.  They are, after all, inanimate, and do not have to worry about crossing the street, driving a car, or meeting strange people in alleys. 

Do not let the simplicity of their lives fool you; stuffed creatures face numerous natural hazards and need assistance in avoiding and navigating these perils.  Some hazards are applicable to all stuffed creatures, while others apply to the stuffed creatures of specific age groups.

General Hazard #1: Dogs and Cats.  Dogs and cats can easily mistake stuffed creatures for a play toy.  Indeed, The Review has often been lured into the pet aisle of a grocery or drug store by the sight of furry creatures, only to discover they are chew toys for dogs.  Make sure your dog or cat knows the difference.  And if you are with someone else’s dog or cat, keep a watchful eye on your stuffed creature, for they may think you come bearing treats.

Some dogs enjoy nipping a stuffed creature and running off to bury it.  Most do not chew or rip the stuffed creature.  They seem to be acting on a deeply ingrained retrieval gene, bred into their DNA in the days when dogs retrieved downed game for their master.  The Review’s dog, Buddy, was notorious for gently grabbing Paka, a Review staffer, as if he were a pheasant [see Staff Directory for Paka’s profile].  Buddy used his jaws delicately, as if he did not want to puncture or mar the kill.  But instead of bringing Paka to a member of the household, Buddy would trot proudly down the hall and hide Paka under the bed, behind couch pillows, or under a rocker.  Paka thankfully survived these creature-nappings intact, but Paka’s disappearance always caused a mild panic, and dog slobber necessitated a toweling down.

General Hazard #2: Open Car Windows.  Driving with a stuffed creature in the car, windows down, makes The Review nervous.  An innocent toss in the air, or the wrong perch on the dashboard or seat, could place your stuffed creature in a zone of suction and pull your furry friend from the car.  If the windows are down, make sure your stuffed creature is buckled-up. 

And it should go without saying: never, ever, stick your stuffed creature’s head out the window, no matter how enjoyable the breeze or temperature.  A loose grip could be disastrous.

Hazard for Adults:  Small Children.  It is up to you whether or not small children are allowed to play with your stuffed creature.  If you do hand over a treasured friend to a youngster, beware of multiple hazards.  

First, bodily fluids.  Children leak all sorts of mucus and saliva; your stuffed creature could become a moist sponge. 

Second, rough handling.  Children are a potent combination of strength and lack of motor coordination.  Prepare to watch your stuffed creature be banged into walls, thrown down stairs, or your creature’s face absolutely crushed; tiny fingernails boring into innocent eyes. 

Third, loss.  Children can easily lose interest in your stuffed creature, which means dropping the animal in mid-play, wherever they are.  If a child wants to show your stuffed creature the forest behind the house, be prepared to later coordinate a search-and-rescue party [Figure 1]. 

Figure 1: Here lies Cheppie, a Review staffer, abandoned by three-year-old Ellie, a friend’s beautiful daughter.  The setting: a Mennonite museum in Newton, Kansas.  Ellie took hold of Cheppie, and with the boundless energy of youth, skipped and galloped through the exhibits.  Walking into an exhibit already visited by Ellie, Cheppie was discovered belly-up abandoned.

Hazard for Children: Siblings and Other Children.  Children can be cruel; to each other and each other’s stuffed creatures.  The Review’s experience should sufficiently illustrate this point.  Paka was routinely tortured by an older brother during childhood.  Paka has been punched, kicked, and manhandled.  His nose has been pushed into his stomach hundreds of times, and on one traumatic day, all stuffing was removed through a hole under his paw.  His un-stuffed skin tossed in the air like pizza dough... 

Note to parents, guardians, and supervising adults: these hazards should be navigated and negotiated by the child. Do not give in to a protective instinct and remove the stuffed creature from harms way.  Yes, siblings and other children are hazards for a youngster’s stuffed creature, but these hazards are part of childhood, growing up, and learning how to interact with others.  Paka made it through just fine.

In Conclusion

Caring for a stuffed creature is a serious responsibility.  Not only do you have a duty to love, animate, and squish, you must be keenly aware of your stuffed creature's safety.

Review Update

The Review knows dedicated readers will be shaken and disturbed by this post. You're already reeling from yesterday's missing Sunday publication. 

The Review apologizes for causing panic and distress.  We engaged a process of soul-searching last week by asking ourselves, where are we going with The Review?  What do we want The Review to say and be in the future?  Late-night meetings ensued, filled with discussion, debate, laughter, tears, animated animation, and lots of pancakes and beer [courtesy of Frazier and Cheppie].  These all-night meetings finally caught up with us on Sunday; we did not have enough energy or clarity to publish.  

But we're here today to announce a new format for The Review.  The staff feels passionately about valuing quality over quantity: publishing fewer, but more in-depth posts.  What does this mean for The Review's rhythm?  First, the elimination of Sunday through Friday posts; and second, the continuation of Saturday posts, with a caveat.  The Review aims to publish every Saturday.  But do not be alarmed if the publication schedule is knocked off track.  It just means we're digging up more information, or fine-tune editing.  

What what does this mean for The Review's content?  Richer posts, and a shift in focus to actual reviews of specific creatures of brand lines.  We want to apply the principles outlined under "Core Philosophy."  But we will continue to discuss general topics of concern for stuffed creatures and their worlds, such as animation and safety concerns.  

The Review sincerely hopes you find these changes useful and exciting.  Please do not hesitate to write in and comment...

Till our next post...take some time to smell the flowers.

Nooks and Crannies - Surprising Places to Look for High-Quality Stuffed Creatures

Salutations from The Stuffed Animal Review; a publication dedicated to the analysis of stuffed creature design and their larger worlds.  First-time readers might want to peruse the “Philosophy” page, for a fuller explanation of The Review’s purpose.  For ambitious first-time readers, you can find The Review’s ten-part guide to high-quality stuffed animal design on the “Core Principles” page. 

Last Saturday The Review discussed changes in the retail toy industry, which has made it increasingly difficult to find high-quality stuffed animals at dedicated toy stores.  Where does one turn?  The Review has some suggestions…

Nooks and Crannies – Surprising Places to Look for High-Quality Stuffed Creatures

1. Gas Stations.  Gas station convenience stores are go-to stops for sodas, slushies, coffee, postcards, maps, and a wide array of sweet and salty processed foods that ooze and crunch.  But expansive gas stations, especially those popular with truckers, often sell gifts.  Alongside kitchy snow-globes and shot glasses, you very well might find a brilliantly designed stuffed creature. Also be on the lookout for stand-alone racks of small stuffed creatures.  [See Shopping for a Stuffed Creature: The Decision to Buy for the story of Piggy.]

2. Pharmacies.  Amidst medications and personal hygiene supplies, most pharmacies have an aisle devoted to children’s toys.  If you can make your way through all the pink and blue plastic, you might stumble upon a well-designed stuffed animal.  Frazier, a Review staffer, was discovered in a Walgreen’s in St. George, Utah, on the bottom shelf of the toy aisle. 

3. Bookstores.  Big chain bookstores such as Barns and Nobles typically have children’s sections.  Tucked into the book displays are often a decent array of stuffed animals.  The Review has stumbled upon Gund bears – stuffed animals of distinction – in these sections, as well as creatures that were heavily fondled and almost purchased. 

4. Tourist Destination Towns.  Small towns who survive by catering to large numbers of tourists will often be able to support a quality toy store that focuses on “old-fashioned” toys such as puzzles, wooden trains, building blocks, and stuffed animals.  Cheppie, a Review staffer, is a case-in-point [Figure 1].   

Figure 1

Cheppie’s hometown is Frankenmuth, Michigan. Frankenmuth was founded by Franconian Germans in 1845 (known today as Bavaria).  Contemporary Frankenmuth has turned to its German heritage for tourist dollars.  Nearly every building has been “restored” to its Franconian past.  More accurately, every Main Street building has been turned into a Disney-styled Franconian confection [Figures 2&3].

Figure 2: Main Street Frankenmuth or Main Street Disneyworld?  Hard to tell with the faux turret, stone detailing, and gingerbread touches.

Figure 3: Case-in-point.  The local muffler shop resides in a Bavarian cottage striving to be too-cute-for-words.

Amidst the Cheese Haus and Mac’s Fudge shop is an excellent toy store where Cheppie was found. 

Friday Post - Week 15

Greetings from The Stuffed Animal Review, a publication dedicated to the analysis of stuffed creature design and their larger worlds.  You have stumbled upon what The Review refers to as its Sunday through Friday posts: random images of stuffed animals doing silly things.  Feel free to dig deeper into the purpose of this blog by clicking on the “Philosophy” page. Join us on Saturday for more substantive musings.

Friday Fracas

The Review proudly presents Cheppie's photographic collection: Food on the Road: A Still Life

[Please see Saturday's post for context.]

Between Hurricane and Escalante, Utah

One Quart of Two-Percent Milk; Plastic Bowls of Special K, Cheerios; Two Apples, possibly Gala; and One Sheep.

Thursday Post - Week 15

Greetings from The Stuffed Animal Review, a publication dedicated to the analysis of stuffed creature design and their larger worlds.  You have stumbled upon what The Review refers to as its Sunday through Friday posts: random images of stuffed animals doing silly things.  Feel free to dig deeper into the purpose of this blog by clicking on the “Philosophy” page. Join us on Saturday for more substantive musings.

Thursday Thither

The Review proudly presents Cheppie's photographic collection: Food on the Road: A Still Life

[Please see Saturday's post for context.]

Woodstock, New Hampshire

Fresh Garden Salad with Goat Cheese.  Soynuts.  Cider, Hefeweizen, Sheep.